I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
