I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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