question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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