4 words: hood of his car
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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