the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
