I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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