I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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