The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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