i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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