WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
