i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
