No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Everclear isn't food dammit
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
