That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
