Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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