you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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