you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
