Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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