hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
