There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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