Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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