So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Let's get the cat blown out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
