You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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