at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
