Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
