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you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
