You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
