we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
