do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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