and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
