I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
