I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
