yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize