It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
