I looked at my own cervix.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
