so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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