She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
