all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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