Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
