Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
