last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
