ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
