i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
