We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
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Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.