Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He felt like a one man threesome
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"