good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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