Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
