i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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