dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
