her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
nutella sex= disaster
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
