So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize