How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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