was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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