What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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