You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
