I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Drunk is not a location!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
