My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
