Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
