At least make sure they are 18
Why
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You were trust falling into bushes
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
