Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she smelled like a LAN party
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
