i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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