No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
