I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
