are you so shy because you have an std?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
