Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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