I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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