took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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