There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
