I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're too hungover to prance.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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