Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
