Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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