i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
