if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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