I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
