i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
