I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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